7 ways to ensure you waste $10k whilst starting your online business in 2017.

A Summary of the following blog post and some things that you can do to burn $10,000 whilst trying to start your first (Or any) online business in 2017.


 
  1. Be a know it all 'F*%# wit'
  2. Start your business in your 'metaphorical' closet
  3. Purchase $10k worth of products before leaving the closet
  4. Sell 'products' rather than 'solve problems'
  5. Hire someone to do 'SEO' without knowing what the acronym stands for
  6. Subscribe to $100 or more p/m of software services
  7. Build anything from scratch including your website

Please note: if you take this blog post seriously, I will not be held responsible. If you have already done one, many or all of the following whilst starting your business don't worry because so have I!!! Have a read, have a laugh and share it with anyone that might find it funny.

1) Be a know it all 'F*%# wit':

The quickest way to failure is to take on a personality trait that is not capable of understanding feedback and essencially being a "Know it all". Starting a business with this attitude would be like going in to a UFC fight with no training when everyone on the planet had offered you a word of advice that if you don't train, the guy in the ring is going to kill you, then being so stubborn to think that you would come out alive.... crazy!!! To be able to survive in the ring with a professional fighter you need to be a professional fighter, to become a professional fighter you need to train, learn, practice, test your skills and idea's and never stop doing that otherwise your opponent will MURDER you. 


Much like fighting business will murder you if you are not willing to listen to feedback. I would go as far as saying that with the know it all attitude you will have not only the ability to waste $10,000 whilst starting your business, but you'll probably loose anything else you may have of value.... This strategy is perfect for those looking to get started with wasting time and money.

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwin8-TnuMvSAhXJtpQKHUdgBDMQjRwIBw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzfeed.com%2Fkatieheaney%2Fthe-ocs-jimmy-cooper-was-the-worlds-worst-tv-dad&bvm=bv.149093890,d.dGc&psig=AFQjCNHxx2sw4Mx1k2YkorF1dWqHb1b4Vg&ust=1489217441731965

2) Start your business in your closet:

We all come up with great business 'ideas', and if you have at all an optimistic bone in your body the business idea that you have come up with will make a Million dollars every time, with no risk what so ever and it will only take you 3 - 6 months maximum. Take this idea out of the closet and into the real world and you will be pleasantly surprised becoming Bill Gates is harder than what you think. Use this strategy, create your business plan in the closet all by yourself, don't tell anyone about it, buy all your products, get an agency to build you a website and then spend a shit load on ads to promote it...... you will quickly realise that your business idea of selling snow shovels to people in Western Australia is probably not going to provide much of a return.

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwj39aXfuMvSAhWHk5QKHe7XAioQjRwIBw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freerepublic.com%2Ffocus%2Ff-news%2F3509488%2Fposts%3Fpage%3D5&bvm=bv.149093890,d.dGc&psig=AFQjCNF-Xi0necZaQ-zp9fpEEuYYM5JeuQ&ust=1489218152656217

3) Purchase $10k worth of products before leaving the closet:

We see this quite a lot unfortunately and again is a fantastic way to burn through thousands of dollars during the start up phases of your business. Whilst you are sitting in the closet writing your business plan, pick up the phone and order a container full of snow shovels to be delivered to your door in Perth.

https://d.ibtimes.co.uk/en/full/1588846/afghanistan.jpg?w=400

4) Sell 'products' rather than 'solve problems':

Whilst you are in you closet, go and build your business around a 'product that you think it cool' find something that you have no idea about but really like the colour of normally the colour blue for all products is most popular therefore it will be most successful. 

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiR0dCZucvSAhXJKpQKHXr3DWQQjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dk5M-RbtL5WM&bvm=bv.149093890,d.dGc&psig=AFQjCNGFhOPy5ryIGk8hMwY-DQ521ZTkTg&ust=1489218403448399

5) Build everything from scratch including your website:

Now that you have your products and you are peaking out the closet, develop a custom php website. Try and hire someone in China so you can't understand them very well, pay them upfront for the development of your new website and don't set any clear deliverables on the project. If you are using a market place such as Freelancer.com, choose someone who has zero ratings and a higher than average hourly rate for China. If you follow those steps you can be pretty sure to successfully burn through a couple grand and more or less 2 - 3 months of pain.

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiA5uDMusvSAhWDnZQKHem2DH8QjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adb.org%2Fnews%2Fop-ed%2Fph-poised-become-rising-star-asia-takehiko-nakao&bvm=bv.149093890,d.dGc&psig=AFQjCNE3eWfdiqF3neONnxbyJlzm3VL38Q&ust=1489218728578022

6) Hire someone to do 'SEO':

Once you have purchased all of your blue snow shovels and had them delivered to the searing heat of a Western Australia summer, you have your $10,000 Chinese website, jump on google and search 'cheap SEO company in India'. When you get a great new proposal from your friendly Indian webmaster guru Vignesh, saying that you will be page one of google in 2 months, all you have to do is lock into a $2000 p/m month contract for 12 months. By doing this you will have a successful business because everyone you have now spoken to whilst being out side of your closet including your 'Sisters boy friend and the family Labrador' said that SEO is the way to go.....

Vignesh will offer to redesign your website for SEO purposes also this will be a good way to potentially waste a thousand dollars.

7) Subscribe to $100 or more p/m for software services:

Because the rule of thumb is the more you pay for it, the better quality..... right?. Go out and set up an enterprise crm package with Salesforce so you can manage all of your customers and program automated emails, text messages and print out detailed analytics on how long it takes to convert a sale. Be sure to get a good deal whilst talking to the American sales account manager and lock into 12 - 24 month contract. Also get an enterprise accounting software so you can have your whole team use it when your business gets big enough. This will be a very effective way to waste $10,000 whilst starting your business.

Also note that: Generally the nicer the sales guy on the phone is the better the software.

Obviously this blog post was written for a bit of fun and to take the micky out of  some of the blunders/learning mistakes we can and have made whilst starting up. It would be crazy to believe that you were not going to make your own mistakes along the journey, but hopefully reading blog posts like this can start to get you questioning some of your strategies.

Check out my next blog post "7 easy things to kick start your online business without wasting $10k."

 

Oliver Du Rieu

62, King Street, Melbourne, VIC,

Entrepreneur, leader and life live'er